I don't make enough money to cover all of my expenses. It's a fact. I know this. It's why I originally took on my other 2 jobs. Of course that means I am making the same amount working 3 jobs that I make working the more hours at the 1 job. (Those 2 extra jobs are almost done, hurrah!). I am lucky enough to have a supportive family and other income that I can rely on from time time (read: stripping*). It all works out because I don't worry to much about it.
However, I recently decided to redo my budget so that it actually works for me and isn't a sometime success and sometime total guessing game.
That was a mistake. I should have just kept going the way I was.
The sometimes guessing game/sometime success strategy, kept me from worrying and put my faith in something bigger than me to take care of my needs. I'm a big fan of not sweating stuff that I know isn't entirely in my control. It's hard, but a good thing to remember. Some might say, "But Molly, your job is in your control. You can quit! Get something that pays better." That's not the case. I'm an actor. That comes first. That means I have to have a job with extreme flexibility, which is what I have. Trust me. That is hard to find. REAL hard to find. The only other thing more flexible than my main part-time position is unemployment. I'm not kidding. It's that flexible.
I am good with money, so it's not like I'm crazily spending or anything, I know my limits. I always pay of credit cards each month, actually rarely use them at all, and the only debt I have is my mortage. That I'm okay with. I guess I just didn't realize the reality of my limits.
Some of this strain is because I own a condo. Actually, most of it is because of that. I don't mind it that much. Fine, I have to fix my a/c. Fine, I have to get my chimney swept. I like that I have my own a/c and a chimney.
My new budget doesn't actually change anything at all. It keeps me in the same place that I was before. But because I took the time to really figure out how I made it through last year, it scared me and sent me into a mini-freak out.
This does make it hard to keep friends and boyfriends around.
You: Let's go see a movie!
Me: Ummm....
You: Better yet, let's go drinking, and dancing, and take cabs!
Me: You should do that! Have fun!! Call me after if you want to sit on my couch and eat Ramen together. But you have to bring your own Ramen, I have exactly enough to last through Saturday.
Or
John: Let's get dinner tonight.
Me: We got dinner last night.
John: We have to eat.
Me: No we don't. We can survive for at least 3 days on only water. People who fast can do it, so can we.
John: Are you just trying to get me to pay?
Me: Never...yes.
We've all been here. I know. A lot of you are probably there with me. I'm getting over it though. At least I have a job, a roof over my head, clothes (although, they are deteriorating into stringy messes fairly quickly), some semblance of food to put on my table, and love. Cause all you need is love right? If only that weren't true. I'd be a bajillionmilliontrillionaire.
Someday I'll be a full time working actor, I will, and then it won't matter. You don't believe me. But that doesn't matter. I believe me.
*Not really. There are several sources of other income, acting gigs, savings, mom...you get the idea.
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